What happens after death?

This is a review of some of the most popular theories of what happens to a deceased human being. Each is rated according to its probability of happening and the desirability of the result.

Physicalism

These theories are coherent  in the context of physicalism – the philosophy that there is nothing apart from physical matter (ie no soul).

Complete Cessation of Being (aka Everything Rots)

Let’s start this review with something simple. The only thing that we can confirm that happens after death is that corpses rot. It is not much of a stretch to say that this is where a human being ultimately finishes.

Disadvantages	Advantages
Anticlimactic. Doesn’t provide much of an incentive to live well.	Equal for all. Could be an end to suffering.

Credibility:	*****
Desirability:	*****

Respawn!

This is an outlandish theory, although it may have some truth to it. It is based on the Infinite Monkey Theorem,  and consists of the core idea that given an infinite amount of time, a replica of your “self” will spontaneously come into being.

Disadvantages	Advantages
Chances are that you will spawn with mutations, as an exact replica of mind and body is highly unlikely The odds of spawning in an inhabitable space is highly unlikely, considering the matter:vacuum ratio of the universe. Can only happen as long as there is matter around	Equal for all Provides hope for those who had their physical body and mind completely destroyed

Credibility:	*****
Desirability:	*****

Cryonics

Cryonics is the system by which humans are preserved by storing them at a low temperature.

Disadvantages	Advantages
People may never discover how to unfreeze you intact The storage chamber may be nuked or otherwise demolished Expensive	Freezing is possible, and it doesn’t matter how long it takes for you to be woken – it will just be like a long sleep

Credibility:	*****
Desirability:	*****

Dualism

Dualists believe that humans have a separate “soul”, which does not consist of matter. Most of these theories take a hit to their probability rating as there is no evidence to support dualism.

Reincarnation

Reincarnation is when your spirit enters another creature after death, mysteriously lacking any memory.

Disadvantages	Advantages
Utterly pointless. Philosophical/religious fodder. May be reincarnated as an immortal single-celled organism from the planet Zorg, ending the chain (you are effectively stuck). Complete cessation of consciousness.	Gives your soul a chance to try out different bodies.

Credibility:	*****
Desirability:	*****

Disembodied Spirit

Ghosts… oooooo…

Disadvantages	Advantages
Must always be on your guard for people with proton packs. Can’t have much physical contact. Eternal suffering/boredom.	You can haunt your enemies. You can haunt your friends. You can haunt your family. You can use others as tools of your revenge (see Hamlet).

Credibility:	*****
Desirability:	*****

Afterlife

The idea of an afterlife is certainly appealing – a paradise after death.

Disadvantages	Advantages
You have to be a good little boy/girl. Blatantly discriminatory. Can’t have any fun in this life.	IT’S PARADISE!

Credibility:	*****
Desirability:	*****

Conclusion

Cryonics is currently the way to go, with an even balance of desirability and actually being possible. Whilst many of the dualist theories are appealing, they all have a distinct lack of evidence to support them.